Thursday, December 8, 2011

I  find myself getting quieter and quieter everyday . . . 

I get into this contemplative mood and then my mind goes reeling.

The tears build up and then I find myself at the mercy of my insecurities.

I feel like a child again but . . . only this time there is no one to give me a warm hug and let me soak their shirt.

I know who I am, it's not an emotional dealing of finding myself.

I'm not guilty . . . of any crimes or lies. 

I'm just me only . . . I want something but I just can't seem to grasp it. 

I feel so left out, so alone. I know I'm not but for so long I've helped people. For so long I have gone out of my way to make people happy. And it makes me happy to see their smiling faces. 

But now I'm having selfish needs. I want someone in my life to do the same. I want someone to write me letters or to call me on a whim to check up on me. I long for that security but alas life is hard and my sufferings, my menial problems mean nothing. So I will sit and wait and continue to smile and bring sunshine to people's lives. 

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