Sunday, March 18, 2012

Who we want to be, Who we need to be.

I believe that in our lives it is important to find balance. Balance between who we want to be and who we need to be. 

Let me tell you who I want to be:

I want to be a 5'8" model. I want to have green eyes. I want to be known as the nicest person to ever live (give Mother Theresa a run for her money). I want to be the kind of person who can learn something and remember it for the rest of my life. I want a photographic memory. I want to be photogenic. I want to be so good that you can't help but love me. I want to be athletic. I want to run a mile in 6 minutes. I want to be graceful in everything I do. I want my singing voice to be angelic that it brings tears to peoples eyes. I also want my singing voice to be like a black person's, strong, controlled, and powerful. I want to lift the soda boxes at work without struggling. I want to be able to lift at least 100 lbs. at the gym on all the machines. I want to dance and be so darn good at it that So You Think You Can Dance is just an amateur show for me. I want to know the scriptures like the back of my hand. I want to look at Isaiah and say "Piece of Cake!". I want to be so spiritual that people standing next to me feel it instantly, just like an Apostles. I want to be so freaking hilarious. I want to be able to crack jokes left and right. 

I want so many more things but alas you don't want to read it and none of it is either impossible or at least near to it.

This is who I really am: 

I am 5 feet. I have brown eyes that have a red-auburn tint to it. I am nice but I can never measure up to Mother Theresa or Ghandi's level of incredible kindness. I actually have to study over and over again if I want to remember things. Photogenic memory out the door. I can barely remember what I wore or ate yesterday. Photogenic, also out the door. I have to try to look good in pictures but still a fail. I wish I am a naturally lovable person. Alas I have haters and I'm not that good. Me, athletic? Oh no I can barely run a mile without dying. You are talking to a girl who trips over air, graceful is out the door. Unless you count falling gracefully :) My voice is average. Not bad but not amazing. Still a wonder how I got into Encore. I struggle with the soda boxes at work. Every time a co-worker walks in on me lifting something, they make a dead sprint towards me. I can barely do 20 lbs at the gym. Pathetic. I can't dance. Period. I suck. Nothing will ever change that. I read the scriptures and I know which ones I like but . . . I can't for the life of me remember where they are. I look at Isaiah and beg for mercy. I know I'm a spiritual person but . . . I'm not good at emanating it. I'm not funny. I think I am but I'm not. My actions sure are, I'm naive. That's all you need to know.

So yes. That's who I am, at least a tibit of it. 

Who do I need to be?

I have an idea but I also have no idea. 

Who we need to be is a life-long process. As humans there is always room for improvement. There is always lessons that can be learned. 

The first step to discovering what you are capable of is this:

Accept who you are. 

I will never be graceful. No. I'm too clumsy for that. I will never be 5'8", unless I get a very painful surgery done. I will never be photogenic. Nor will I ever be a model. I will never have green eyes. I will never be able to sing wonderfully or dance like those amazing dancers on So You Think You Can Dance. 

But I love it. 

It's who I am. 

I love being short. The hugs are like Teddy-bear hugs every time. People have a natural tendency to want to protect me because I'm so tiny. I love my brown eyes that when sun shines on it, gets an auburn tint in it. I love my brown hair that shines red in the sun. I love taking pictures, if I am ready, despite it turning out odd. My voice sucks but I love singing anyways. People will just have to deal with it. I can't dance but I love ballroom. I will never be graceful but I do admit I fall with style. I am very ticklish. VERY ticklish. I can't decide if it's a good thing or not. Still deciding that factor. I love reading the scriptures, despite my very sad excuse for a memory. I have made wonderful friends with the wall and floor. It is a friendship that will never be severed. Our bond is a strong one :)

Oh I have lots to improve on. 

But I'm willing to just live life and continue on with my progress. 

But in the end there is one important thing to know: 

We have to be able to, at any moment, sacrifice who we are for who can become. 

And there is so much all of us can become. If we were able to see the future oh how fast we will change. Because we will see a beautiful future. We will see the wondrous us. We will see what we need to become in order to fulfill that empty void in all of us that we strive our whole lives to fill. That empty void of satisfaction with who we are. 

But alas we can't. So we have to be content with the fact that we are who we are. And who we are is us on a journey.